no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
