Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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