New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
