just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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