we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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