this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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