where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize