i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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