Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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