I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
