Having a random hookup so left but love u
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize