he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize