If i come over, it means nothing
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
