thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
