2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
