god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
