I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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