I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
