omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
