who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
