Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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