His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
