do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
