I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize