you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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