If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
