You really coming over, don't trick.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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