You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I had to cum in my sink.
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