hotel room ftw
need another drink. this is the easiest way
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
