dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
