love makes seman taste better
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
