No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
