I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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