Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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