I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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