she was so not down for the gang bang
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
