Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
