I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
