Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
