Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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