I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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