I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
