mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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