My balls are so social today.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
