I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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