I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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