when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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