Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
