Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
