You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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