i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
