She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
