Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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