i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
