we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He? As in you personified your dick?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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