You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
