apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
