She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
