I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
