Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
