I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
