I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
