he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
