One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
