Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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