need another drink. this is the easiest way
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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