I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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