So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
