I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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