So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
