Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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