yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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