We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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