i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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