I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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