I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
