There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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