Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
