Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
