You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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