which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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