Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
try to milk me bitch
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
