he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
