somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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