If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
