dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
