the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
