god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
