Capitaan dildo arrescate!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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