At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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