my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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