We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
