I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
This baby is an asshole
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
