Buhtt sex?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
