OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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