I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
