WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
