We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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