its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
