All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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