Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
