Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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