You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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