You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
